


I Need You More Than You Think

by sk1726



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Past Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-22 22:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10706067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sk1726/pseuds/sk1726
Summary: Ohno admits that he was once losing his interest. Feeling bored and fed up. He feels like the love he feels to Nino isn’t as big as previously.





	I Need You More Than You Think

**Author's Note:**

> Note 1 : another thing written in the beginning 2015. It happened because of the scratch Nino had during VSA in 2014. In the episode of Dec or Nov 2014 (I'm currently looking up to the file again).  
> Note 2 : unbeta-ed  
> Note 3 : the title is taken from poemporns@twitter

“Ohchan..”

“Not now Kazu, I need my bed. I have an early meeting tomorrow.” Ohno makes the younger at a halt when the older man brushes his lips onto his, before Ohno straights up to their bedroom. The kiss is only lips met lips, just like any other day the older man behaves toward him recently, cold. It’s been months since the last time he gets a proper kiss from his lover, a loving and a warm one. A real kiss one. 

“You should sleep soon too, Kazu!”

Nino’s head jerks up hearing Ohno’s shout behind their bedroom wall before the tanned man drifts off to sleep. He fidgets his hands, playing his fingers with the hem of his shirt. His mind cannot stop thinking, many what ifs come and go almost blowing off his head. He cannot stand anymore. How long Ohno will act like this toward him? Even though the other man still kisses him and sometimes calls him by cheesy names, somehow, he feels those are just for act. As if Ohno does those things by force, more like a responsibility he needs to abide, something like an obligation. It’s like he's forcing himself to continue living with Nino or worse to push himself to love Nino without his own desire. 

It pains him every time Ohno avoids him. Just like some moments ago, Ohno doesn’t give Nino a chance even to ask a simple thing like offer him to eat. Once the older came back, he strutted into the apartment, put his bag, striped his shirt off and headed to their room straightly. The older didn’t even say a word and looked at him even for a second.

Nino heads up to their kitchen, puts his hands on his face slowly rubbing it until tears comes out unstoppably, “At least eat first, Ohchan.” his body shaking continuously, Nino lets out everything he’d been held back. Many thought rush into his mind, thinking of many unpleasant things that might or even possibly happen soon to their relationship.

He has no one, his parents have kicked him out years ago since he’s a kid. His life is a mess since the beginning. He’s been transferred from one orphanage to another. He experienced bad treatment since he was dropped in the orphanage. When he was 14, he decided to run away and committed to live by himself. He lived like a stray cat. For his liking, he actually had given up to live. But his stomach growled and his body pained. Moreover, he disliked to suffer. That’s why he ended up living ruthless. He encountered with many things like thievery, bully, and even drugs. Ironically, from all the destructive things he encountered, he always became a victim. He tried to be a straight one, tried very hard not to get involve with such a thing, but his luck was nowhere. He lived his life hard.

He wouldn’t know what would happen if Ohno didn’t come to save him at that time. He’s so grateful he could meet Ohno. Because of Ohno, he even could trust people again since the last time he put a faith to people. His self was healing gradually by the time he’s with Ohno. He gives everything to Ohno, his life, his heart, and even his love.

Along the time he’s with the elder man, Matsumoto Jun, a best friend of his lover doesn’t approve their relationship. Ohno told him to shrug it off. He said Jun is only worried at him. Ohno and Jun have been friends since they could use their feet to walk. Hence, Jun is afraid if Ohno might be into a wrong person.

He is aware that Matsumoto possesses something more than just a mere worry to Ohno. There is that adoration and even something that speaks more than care. They meet few times and he could see the spark whenever Jun looked at Ohno. That was too shining for him. Matsumoto’s spark is too hard to handle, partly because he’s jealous also partly afraid that Matsumoto could be the one who could take care of Ohno’s better. 

As to prove his suspicion right, some days ago, he accidentally saw his lover with this Matsumoto guy. Ohno’s smile was the brightest one he could see. That’s the tenderest one on the older man’s feature for these last few months. At that moment, his heart clenched with pain. Perhaps, Matsumoto is right. Ohno is into a wrong person. Ohno shouldn’t be into him or even be with him for all this time. Moreover, perhaps without the older man realizing, Ohno loved Matsumoto rather than loved him. Probably things are wrong. Ohno just pity him.

When his mind is totally scrunched up, he pushes his chair off and stands upright. His mind is clouded with imperceptible fog. As he could remember, he still keeps them. Something that could bring him back into his slump, something that always breaks him into pieces but on his thought, that thing could help him relax. His body moves on its own. His sanity is almost vanished when he finds it beneath the cupboard, in the very corner of the kitchen’s cupboard. That is the last one he should have thrown away, he always shut his sanity off whenever his mind said that he has to throw it, away from his reach. Perhaps this is why he hasn’t put it into a trash bin.

He stops himself for a moment, possibly trying to find the rest of his sanity. Pathetically nothing sane comes near him. His mind is too foggy to think of any good deeds. He’s already feeling unwanted. His vague mind has blinded him. He couldn’t think straight anymore.

A moment his hand makes a movement, he notices that the needle has gone into his skin. It goes deeper under his pulse. The drug merges inside his blood stream. He starts feeling light, he feels high and free, but tears keep flowing down his cheek as he mumbles a name he craves for all of his life.

“Ohchan,” 

He moans out the pain then his vision blurs. In between his little consciousness, he keeps the used-needle into his jeans pocket, and then unconsciously lets his body moves itself to crumble and fall.

~

“Nino..Nino..Kazu..” Ohno shouts his name out from a far, he can hear it faintly, a beam of sunlight strokes his lids through the curtain helps him to open his up his eyes. 

“I’m here, Ohchan.” His voice is no more than a whisper. He hardly moves a muscle, until Ohno lightly taps his back. He lifts his head up from the kitchen table, looks around, and a bit amazed that his surrounding is flawless with no messy thing like uneaten food and such. It seems he’d cleaned up the dish and threw the drug away because he cannot see the repose of the drug anywhere. Also, he, himself, still wonders what kind of miracle that makes him still act normally to Ohno as if nothing awful happened last night.

“You’re asleep, here?” Ohno raises his voice sounding annoyed. “You suffer yourself in this hard wooden chair and table. I’ve told you to sleep well last night, haven’t I?” Ohno yells at him whilst preparing himself to go, just giving a glance at him then yet keeps on buttoning his shirt and checking his office case.

Nino tries his best to raise himself following Ohno to the front door, “You’re leaving now? Let me make you a toast first, Ohchan.”

Nino almost turns back to their kitchen if Ohno doesn’t retort, “No need, Nino. I’m late already. I have an important meeting to attend. Besides, Jun waits me.”

Jun. That name again. He knows he shouldn’t feel anxious because that name is spilled out easily by Ohno. In actual fact, it should be Jun who felt anxious because now Ohno lives with a man like him, the one who comes from the slump, un-educated, pathetic, and perhaps, disgraceful. All the bad thought coming back, rushing again into his brain, his pulse feels tighten of the hot blood, which suddenly flows. An invisible tight knot makes his stomach churn and he feels his heart is grasped so tight, so unyielding as if a hollow hand makes him suffer. He finds himself hard to breath. The back stabbing pain in all over his body also worsens his condition. He suddenly feels so dizzy and only wants to lie on his and Ohno’s shared bed. Though he knows, he would only mourn his pathetic life, his sorrowful feeling. Nino gulps down his heavy lump, which block his throat. His dizzy head lowering down as he mumbles, “I need you.”

“Do you say anything?”

“Ah.. No.. I.. Be careful, Ohchan.”

“I will..” Ohno turns his body around and about to step out of the front door but he’s turning back once more. At a moment, Nino thought, perhaps Ohno will give him at least a peck on his cheek. By just a blissful thought he almost quirks up his lips.

“and oh.. Can you stop calling me Ohchan? I feel so uneasy.”

It’s completely wrong. He needs to really wake up, opens his eyes so wide just to realize that Ohno doesn’t want him anymore. His heart drums even faster. He feels so nauseated, feeling like to throw up the entire perturbed knot in the pit of his stomach. His eyes almost get teary. But he holds it back. Not yet.

“You, OK?” he jerks up and doesn’t wonder of the sudden tense in all over his body. Ohno is still there, he hasn’t even walked out the door. The elder scans him head to toe. He tries so hard to form a word. But the lump in his throat only makes him gapped without mumbling a word. “You look pale.” He sort of hears a thoughtful resonance from Ohno’s voice. Again, he is almost hopeful of hearing Ohno’s concern at him.

“Never fall asleep in that hard chair ever again! You hear me! I cannot look out for you all the time! Grown up! Geez.. I’m late. Eat and have a proper rest!” Ohno ends it by banging closed the front door. All the while, Nino almost cannot find his breath. He feels his heart stops, hearing Ohno snaps at him and throws him painful words.

Without he realizes it, his tears break down; his knees also drop to the floor beneath him. He is stuttered and stunned. Ohno perhaps really doesn’t need him anymore. He holds his left chest tightly, so tight until he could feel his nails dig into his skin. His body trembles so bad. He cries out loud.

~

Water droplets stain the window, as he can peek through the glassy window, outside looks so far and cold. His palm scrapes the glass with all supremacy he has. He doesn't know where his vision leads him. It's a hard feeling, a thing he holds which piercing him. He'd like to hit the glass but it would be so nonsense. He would only make thing worse than it already is. If there is anyone who should have suffered, it must be him. It, somehow, has planted in his system in his very mind that he is an unlucky creature. These past two years that he thought as a blissful years with Ohno is only a dream. He needs to make himself to believe it so. Because all the blissful memories is just too painful. He only wants to sleep in peace and forever. 

He never counts it but he notices it's been three days since Ohno said Jun was there for him. Since Ohno said he had an important meeting. It is also been three days since he lingers in their room. He knows the days changing but he never helps himself to step out of the room. He doesn't even know that he could keep anticipating Ohno’s homecoming that long without even doing anything. 

He knows his head is so giddy, his pulse also craves the drugs. But he only keeps himself still. He tends to hold himself and it somehow gives him fruit of work. Even though with a little force and exaggeration, he uses Ohno's tie to tight his arm, he wants his blood to stop craving, his nerves to keep stinging. He doesn't have to look down to notice the dried blood in there. Yes, he hurts his own arm again one night when his body was craving. He thought some pain would relieve him. He thought it could heal his burning nerves and beating heart. It probably is, but it only gives effect to other parts of his body. Now he is drained, feeling so limb and woozy. He also doesn’t need to remind himself of how pale he is now. Nothing more he could do than crawl to the bedpost, only to find a comfort place to lean. 

He hears a crack when he is about to sleep in that cold floor.

"Ohchan," another habitude of him, calling the other man out of consciousness. He may have lost his sobriety until he utters out that name again. He already relies on Ohno too much. 

When he notices footsteps nearing the room, he knows he isn’t fantasizing. Ohno has come. A smile curves up, but when he’s about to stand up, he has nothing left. His swoon takes him over.

~

The light strikes every part of his vision, beaming his surrounding into a completely white scene. He needs to blink for times to adjust his sight, to no avail nothing much he can do. He helplessly roams his sight to every corner his vision can catch. He doesn’t recognize it at first. It’s too calm and peace and white and pure and somehow, feels so heaven. Heaven. Does he die? He lightly touches his skin, gently caress it then stretch it widely. It pains. He probably hasn’t died. But what is this place? His brain cannot muster anything. It’s too puzzle for him. He lets his feet graze the surface then the cold sips into his nerves. As he realises, he’s barefoot. But then, it’s not about the cold which just came from beneath his skin. It’s more than that. He can feel he will encounter into something he never wants to experience. 

Then, a flash coming. He mechanically shuts his lids down. The scene changes. It’s one of narrow streets. As he could recall, it’s the place where he first met Ohno, the place is so quiet. He remembers vaguely the pain he’d been battled with at that time, a time when he craved for his drugs. Ohno, who was at the moment passing the street, stood by his side asking whether he was fine when clearly he was not. At that time, the tanned man looked so panicked. He never knew that there was still a man who cares for another who is not even his acquaintance. In a midst of his pain, he prayed for the tanned man to have his happiness and peaceful life. 

Right at that moment, he is struck at the remembrance. Then suddenly it goes dark, it’s as if someone close the curtain so suddenly right in front of his eyes, again, he shuts his eyes tightly in a deliberate way. A conversation fills his hearing, two men he knows well are chattering somewhere he couldn’t look up. 

“He’d never be the one. Be sane, Satoshi! It’s been too long. You shouldn’t drown further. Open your eyes! He brings no good!” 

“I can’t leave him, Jun. He is..”

“Now or you’ll regret.”

Then he sees them, Jun drags Ohno out of his sight. It is still dark but their silhouette can be seen clearly. He reaches out, his hand outstretched. But his voice stuck on his throat. Ohno is gone. Ohno is leaving him. Slowly the tears come out running back.

~

Two nights after Ohno takes Nino to be taken care medically in the hospital, he goes back to the apartment. Ohno never leaves their shared room after he comes back, Ohno lingers there doing his art. Every so often, Ohno lets it afloat, the acrid of his cigar disappears above the blurry shadow in the dim light. He allows the pain to keep throbbing inside his ribs, pooling down in the spit of his stomach, then up to make a burning lump in his throat.

He leans his back to the wet trail of paint on his well-constructed wall, which is tough enough to hold his insubstantial figure. His paint, which sips into his back now begins drying minute by minutes. It’s stick and merged with the cold air which now also comes to greet his mourn. A moment he find himself numb, his face growing warm. The tears roll down his cheek pouring unstoppably. He shudders silently and wails of why and why he had done such a stupid disheartened manner. He is angry with himself. He is mad because of sweet promises he shouldn’t utter since the very beginning.

He moves around frantically and flies his fist to the now mussed, upset and discolor of his spluttered paint behind his back. He strikes once, twice, thrice, and times until his hand bruised and swollen. Now he can smell a tinge of iron from the back of his palm. Even without seeing, he knew the hand had smeared with something red and blue and yellow and even white as the basic tint of his wall and other red thing which comes out of his vein.

He shouldn’t leave Nino. He shouldn’t neglect him. He shouldn’t act that ignorant. He should have known there is that brittle figure behind those snickers, playful smiles, and bratty attitude. He should have been aware. He shouldn’t do those ministrations and even leave only to make Nino felt alone and unwanted. He shouldn’t let Nino drugged himself again. He should have known the entire nightmare, of all the impious acts ever happened to the younger. He should have held him tight. He shouldn’t have to lose his feels. He shouldn’t have a bitter feel. He shouldn’t have made any distance from him. He shouldn’t take his love away from him. 

All of his idiocy deeds are his selfishness and now it’s all bounced back at him, aching him to his very bone. That terrifying feeling of being left is now nagging at him. He doesn’t want Nino to leave. He wants to start it over. He wants Nino to forgive him. He wants Nino to wake up.

~

_Nino seated himself in the foot of their shared-bed; staring at his man’s back which now smeared with his marks (of his too hard bite and some little scratches). It always amused him of how it looked, like how it arched when Ohno bent down, how it straightened when Ohno stood, and how it constricted whenever Ohno move. It’s a delight watching the older working up on his passion with color spluttered around his feature; his tanned skin became an exclusive canvas for his own jumbles act._

_He usually would move his limbs and be right behind the elder’s back, leaning down on him resting his weight on that mesmerizing back. He usually would circle his hands around that perfect packs of the elder’s stomach of his well-maintained abs of how wonderful it feel when he laid his hand there._

_But today, he’s too tired to do everything; he only wanted to look intently at that back. Leisure its beauty by only gazed it. He put a record in every cell in his brain, saving a memory of that beautiful back, of how lucky he is having Ohno as his man._

_Ohno heard the bed rustles; he turned around and met a fond smile on his lover feature. Nino had outstretched his hand, but Ohno looked down and mouthed ‘I’m a mess’. But Nino kept on his pose, not even a second low down his arms. Then like an automatic, Ohno threw himself into the arms, nuzzling Nino’s neck and raining pecks to the bare flesh. Nino tried his best not to squirm but somehow he always failed, a moan let out and he pushed Ohno for a good second, only to meet a loving stare from the other man. “I love you, Kazu.”_

_This kind of morning was always the best morning he ever had. He felt so grateful of having Ohno. Ohno made him felt loved, made him feel like he’s precious, like an important one, a very essential one to Ohno. He always wished for this time to last for long, to last forever. He grasped the memory worriedly if it’d vanish like a bubble._

~

Ohno comes back visiting Nino, he neglects Jun’s words and stubbornly keep coming for Nino. He catches Nino’s hand. The younger seems to having bad dreams. The first time Ohno found the younger black out in their bedroom quite made him panicked. His room was a complete mess and it worsened by a fainted Nino who looked as white as his cold wall. Nino, at that time, looked so frail. Ohno swears that was the worst condition Nino had ever since Ohno met him.

Ohno sees tears pouring down Nino’s cheek although he younger is still unconscious. Ohno really hopes for him to wake up soon. He doesn’t want to regret. He doesn’t want to lose what he thought the best for him. He swears to himself that he won’t waste any of his time anymore. 

Ohno shouldn’t go this far. He shouldn’t let his ignorance growing that massive and exaggerating. He admits that he was once losing his interest. Feeling bored and fed up. He feels like the love he feels to Nino isn’t as big as previously. He sees Nino as something bothersome. Though in fact, Nino did his best with his treatment and he even got himself a job even though it’s only as a part time worker. Nino gradually had his own pace and less nagging. Nino even took his part as the good housewife even though he’s not. He was taking care of Ohno yet what Ohno gave him was resentment? He really should have realized of his bad treatment, his temper, and irresistible anger. He should have known that the younger didn’t even take any part for making himself fury. However, he really couldn’t stop himself for blaming and acting the ignorant act toward the younger. He should have known that he made the already fragile man into a more brittle man. Ohno probably forgot what had brought him to Nino, to that stray and frightened cat. Of how hopeless himself and of how oddly Nino lifted him from his solitude. Ohno might forget about how Nino made him flutter about how those snicker, laugh, high pitch, would release him to smile. Nonetheless Ohno decides he would change, he would gain his love back and make up his fault to Nino.

When the sun is almost set, Ohno knows he should go back and come here back in the next morning. But today, he doesn’t feel like leaving the younger alone, in this quiet and threatening ward. He wants to be here with Nino longer even until Nino opens his eyes.

“Satoshi?” the door is opened, revealing his best friend.

Two different vibes at a time, Ohno is actually torn in between his left and right. From his left side, Nino voices out a subtle yet weak whisper meanwhile from his right, Jun comes with his strong and determinant voice. As Ohno hasn’t aware of Nino’s wake, he responses to Jun.  
Nino slowly tries to reach any part of Ohno’s feature, but then stops in the verge of the blanket, feeling hesitant and mortified. Nino watches the way Ohno looks at Jun, a confused and perplexed look in a mixture. Jun also doesn’t seem aware that Nino has gained his consciousness. “We should leave. Visit time is over.” 

Another hurtful look stains on Nino’s face. “Leave Ohchan, I’m fine” Nino is meant to say that way, but his throat hurts him. The words come out in a croaked muffled which is quieter than a whisper, Ohno cannot listens, he doesn’t catch a word. 

But out of sudden, instead of returning an answer for Jun, Ohno turns to his left and catches wet trails on Nino’s cheek. Nino is crying. 

“N..nino? you’re awake, aren’t you? I.. I hear just now. You..you’re calling my name, aren’t you? Kazu, look at me please.” Nino doesn’t grant Ohno’s plea. The younger avoid Ohno’s look and pretends to sleep. He keeps closing his lids and cursing of how stupid his tear for keep flowing. Ohno touches Nino’s arm, even just slightly Nino could feel how it electrifies his bloodstream. –should leave..jun..wait. 

Ohno sees how hard Nino utters the syllables. His touches now turns to a definite grasp, not too hurt but too tight, probably are quite enough to leave red mark on the younger sensitive skin. Ohno has a very huge urge to hold Nino into his embrace yet he needs to swallow the intent and does what he really needs to do. 

“I won’t leave, Jun. I’m staying over.” His eyes never leave the frail figure before him.

“Satoshi, you..” Jun’s body tenses and his eyes almost widen in usual surprise.

“I’m staying.” It’s more apprehensive than before; clear enough for a firm statement. “I won’t leave Kazunari. Not now. Not ever again.” 

Jun stares at him for good minutes, searching for any quivers in Ohno’s tone and even for a tremor in the older figure. He sees nothing but stillness, “Fine. I’m heading back.” Here, the usual firm of his back looks slumped, Ohno probably notices this won’t be a matter for him though. It’s not too apparent but Ohno could see a sadness through Jun’s back. 

Ohno doesn’t think he’d done a stubborn thing. He only knows that he’d done a right thing. Getting back to Nino. A very rightful thing he should have done since long ago.

When Nino is unable to hear the footstep nor the existence of Jun, he slowly opens his eyes, startles of what he sees after him. Ohno’s glimmering look stares down at him. His croaky voice catches Ohno’s ear.

“..n..o cry..ing, ohchan.”

“I’m sorry kazu, I’m sorry.”

“ ‘s fine. It’s over. You should leave. Jun-kun is right, you should just take off..” but Nino cannot continue his words because the arm which now gripping at him, nailed into his skin. It is so tight, he can feel his pulse stops for a dizzying moment. It’s hurt.

A flash of anger is seen through Ohno’s eyes. His intense glare to Nino enable to make the younger’s heart beat stops. It’s infuriating and threatening more than that, it looks so indignant. Nino never sees Ohno like this before. Ohno usually never shows his rage, he’s a type of person who prefers to be quiet. That’s why seeing Ohno like this startling him. 

The first thought when he sees the flare on Ohno, Nino assumes that Ohno has reached his maximum annoyance at him, for him to be a burden to Ohno once more. Just like Ohno said the last time, he cannot look for Nino all the time. So, this must be a huge irritation for Ohno.

Nino really wants to tear off the glare he received from Ohno, but something tickles his sense. Though Ohno looks so mad, he feels that the anger isn’t directed at him. It’s directed more to Ohno himself, all to Ohno’s old self. For someone who forgets how to care others serenely, for someone who forgets about why he picked Nino up since the beginning. Because, if Nino enables to see it better, the glare isn’t only about annoyance, it mixes with regret and strangely, a sadness. 

“It hurts, Ohchan.” Nino sizzles and Ohno’s eyes snap. He doesn’t seem notice he has hurt Nino, again (physically obvious) nor aware about the look he just gave to the younger and how Nino looks at him with fear and longing.

Once Ohno goes back to his sense, he makes up his seat and sits properly by Nino’s bed, his body directs him to face the younger for a better look. He loosens the hold without really let them go, instead Ohno kisses the –now- red spot around Nino’s arm. He really has dug his nail to the younger’s flesh. He stupidly has given a new pain to the younger. 

An unintended tears stroll down his reddened cheek, making him sobs and hiccups for times. All of his guilty seem flushed but he knows he just felt relieved because Nino has awake, because he, now, has a chance to start it over. But then again, it’s all if only Nino would allow him. 

“I saw you Ohchan.” 

Ohno hasn’t explained a single thing but Nino begins the talk first. He looks up and sees tranquility in the younger’s eyes. He keeps holding Nino’s hand, this time is more gentle and firm. 

“I saw you in my dream, I thought I had died. Things are white and I couldn’t recognize where I am. Then my surrounding changed, I hear you, debating something with Jun-kun. I’d like to reach you, but, I stop myself. I’ve been a burden to you, Ohchan. I’ve made you annoyed, I’ve made you sick with my existence. I’m.. I’m sorry for being such a handicapped for you. You’ve treasured me for years, you’ve been nice. But then again, I made you to look out for me again. I’m sorry.” 

“Kazu, no, I’m..”

“But you’re at fault too. I.. I thought you love me. I clang on you, depended on you. You kind of gave me hope. I thought you love me, so I feel all the feeling from happiness to pain. If.. If you ever feel that feeling even a for slightest time, I guess.. I guess you would understand how painful to be treated like you’re no one but hindrance. I..I’m sorry Ohchan. I guess it’s time for me to leave, right? Jun-kun can look after you. Not like me who always an irritant to you. I.. Good bye, Ohchan.” Nino finishes his monologue with tears pooling his eyes, it’s only seconds until it sheds out. When the younger ends his discourse, he takes the turn to hold Ohno’s hand. He probably doesn’t even realize that he clutches for it so tight. Ohno feels his heart tightens. He’s been so cruel. He’s been so ignorant. He has made Nino thought the wrong way. 

Ohno pushes his chair and let go off his hand of Nino. The younger presumes, it must be the time. He would be alone and reckless again like he has experienced before. This time it will be truly over.

But, to the younger surprise, Ohno leans down, catching Nino’s lips in a rush movement. He pours everything into the kiss, his hands holds Nino’s jaw so that it won’t dislodge because of his frantic moves. The kiss is so different, Ohno never kisses him like this. It’s not a passionate one like they used to share years back, it’s not a lust kiss either. The kiss feels so desperate and hurtful and so regretful. A moment Nino realizes it, he can feel his almost dried cheek become wet again, but this time, he knows he isn’t crying. It’s Ohno’s. Ohno says his apology through his kisses, through the gentle nip and soft caresses. Nino melts into this desperate kiss. He may forgive Ohno because of this, but then again, does he ever think that Ohno is at fault? He may think so, but, his love to Ohno is just too big. Ohno is his spring of life, without the elder, Nino knows he would end up breaking his life again. So, Nino forgives. He wants Ohno. He wants to start it over. 

Ohno catches a little breath and about to stutter out his apology when Nino cuts him, “I forgive you.” 

~

“It should be you. Why did he howl and wail like five years old girl forcing me to do this? It should be you, Ohchan.” Nino looks at his reflection in the full body mirror, exasperatedly limp his hands down to both of his sides. 

He rarely wears one, but once the tux tucks into his body like that, Ohno can’t stop staring. “And can you please close my addictive jaw? I cannot kiss you at this moment, I dislike it dry.”

Ohno just chuckles but doesn’t even for a second let his eyes off of Nino’s frame, “It can’t be helped.” Ohno says then amazed at him again, “I should have asked you out to a formal date more often.” 

“Unfortunately, we’re not going on a date, Ohchan. You never once asked me though.” Which partially true as Ohno rarely or even never asks Nino to go out. Simply because he remembers clearly Nino’s rejection one summer day when Nino told him his insecurity of being in a crowd. Ohno keeps that in his mind to stay Nino away from anything that could harm his feeble soul. But now, it seems he can ask Nino anytime as the younger now healthier and starts growing his confidence about being around the society. 

Nino looks defeated. He fidgets his fingers again checking back to back to the mirror whether he messes up his tux. He feels uneasy to be an important part for Jun, more importantly it’s his big day. He didn’t feel he’s deserved to do this. Ohno marches closer to reach Nino. He brushes some dislocated strains to make the younger’s appearance more appealing. Nino goes pensive but Ohno’s touches always loosens his jittery feels. Nothing is more comfortable than this.

“Here you go,” Ohno says softly and pushes Nino gently. 

“Why me?” Nino whispers low to Ohno’s ear leaning back with no intention of going further. 

“Because he’s a nervous prick.” 

“Then it should be you.” Nino snaps back. He pauses, feeling dejected because Ohno looks at him utterly, at least that’s what seen through Nino’s eyes. “I am hated, Ohchan.”

Again, Ohno tastes the bitter in Nino’s words. He spreads out his hands and holds Nino in one movement. “He loves you, he loves us. Just go through it, because he’d be happy to have you. I promise.” Ohno ends it with a peck on Nino’s lips, just to make sure Nino won’t step back. “I’ll be right behind you. You just need to accompany him, well at least, fifteen minutes max.”

“Fine.” Nino gives in after all and walks out of the door, hand clasps tightly with Ohno’s.

Jun has looked forward for them. He almost ruins his suit by letting sweat stains his gorgeous figure. Good thing, he has his handkerchief in his pocket.

“What did you take it so long? I almost canceled my wedding because of you.” Jun spits out his rage but Ohno can see better, the younger is just too nervous. 

“I’m taking too much consideration to lend you my precious one. But I decide to give him to you.”

“Give?” Nino, who stands behind him hisses in disagreement. 

Ohno turns back and gives the pout a gentle peck, “Don’t you hear me? My precious one.”

“The priest has waited long enough. Restraint your lovey-dovey now, please.”

“Jun-kun can have it soon too.”

“Oh, shut up, brat. At least, me and my wife won’t be exhibitionists like you. Come on now.”

Nino follows Jun to stand by his side at the aisle. Ohno is in the first row watching how wonderful it is. His lover and his best friend are being at a same spot at the exact same time. He never expects this would end like this. Of Jun who finally accepts them after what they’ve been through. His life is never been this good.

“..I will love her until death do us part.” Ohno’s trail of thoughts are cut by Jun’s firm tone. One day, it would him and Nino who would throw the sacred vow. He glances at the younger who is surprisingly looking back at him. He mouths the same vow at Nino while gently praying in silence that he wouldn’t let them separately until the death do them apart. “I will love you ‘till death do us part.”


End file.
